"Lightening" Aptly Named.

HOLY SHIT WHAT IS GOING ON IN THERE. I've been getting a stabbing pain that goes from my pelvic bone to the bottom of my vag that feels like someone took a soldering iron from wood shop and threw it up my crotch. After self-diagnosis a la the web, I think this is "lightening" when the baby repositions and drops into the first position. DUDE or DUDETTE, RELAX IN THERE. It's happened three times in the last 24 hours. My kid is ON THA MOVE.

GLUCOSE TEST GONE WRONG

I was warned about the glucose test. I heard a lot of people fail it and then you have to do the three hour bullshit one. I was told it's common for you to get headaches after, to feel a little weird and maybe even need to take a nap. But nobody told me what would happen if you didn't eat anything beforehand. I had 10 minutes to drink this orange HI-C tasting drink, and that my hour wait time would start once I handed the empty bottle back in. Being the over achiever that I am, I chugged the drink. I hate the flavor of orange, so I just wanted it over with. My hour began and within 40 minutes my heart started racing. Anxiety? Nerves? Sugar? I guess. After my hour of waiting was up I went into the lab. I have NO problem with getting my blood drawn, none whatsoever, it doesn't even faze me. So the nurse takes my blood and all is well. She fills up the second vial and my ears start ringing. Fuck. My eyes get blurry. The nurse looks at my and I'm squinting my eyes and I'm like "I feel a little light headed" before she can respond I say "I feel a lot light headed" and all of a sudden I"m thrown back in the chair, feet up and sweating so profusely they definitely had to bleach the chair. Worst of all? The two nurses leave the room. I'm like "hellooooo I'm fainting where are you going, OMG!!!!!!" It smelled so bad in the room. Did I just shit my pants? I must have passed gas as I was fainting or something, making it the single handedly most embarrassing moment of my entire life. I guess it prepped me for the inevitable pooping on the table. So mortifying. I can't believe that actually happens.

31 WEEKS - Dress Crisis and Werkin the Heels.

We went to a wedding this weekend, and I'm shocked I survived in heels! It was really fun to have a night out with my man and see all my friends. The day before the wedding I tried on the dress I was planning to wear and AWESOME it no longer fits. Well, it fit, but like if I was a stripper. It was so short in the front due to the enormo bump, and in the back it bunched up and it made me look like I had a hunchback. It wasn't working. I called my mom in a panic and I was like "WHERE ARE YOU!!!???" She said Lord & Taylor, which weirdly enough was the parking lot I was pulling into. For the next hour (since we had dinner reservations which I was NOT canceling) - my mom, best friend and I ran around the store looking for a replacement dress. Well, I didn't really run. I just kept picking up dresses that they both scoffed and rolled their eyes at. So I went into the dressing room. All of a sudden, a woman I've never met starts bringing me dresses. Hello? Who are you? Mom recruited strangers to help me find something to wear. The only thing that fit is this long sleeved dress below, which was super cozy. But like, it was hot. And once I put my flats on I looked totally orthodox. I did spend the rest of the weekend sleeping and recuperating. Also, my husband now informs me that I snore. So that's a new development. To kick the flu feeling I went to the gym this morning. 35 mins on the treadmill at a 2.9 pace felt like a marathon. But, gotta keep my ass in shape.

FRUIT SIZE

The baby is the size of a PINEAPPLE this week. A MOTHER EFFING PINEAPPLE. Can you imagine passing that through your vaginal walls? What about just swallowing it? How in the hell am I walking around, under 5'1" with something that size inside of me? No wonder I can't breathe. DANG!

IF YOU WANNA BUY US STUFF!

Since people have been asking.... http://registry.thebump.com/marnie-and-evan-nathanson-evan-nathanson-october-2013-nj/4907676 thanks in advance :)

Lil' Slugger

Our kid in their first jersey!

30 WEEKS AND IN MY RIBCAGE

This adorable little munchkin who I can't wait to meet is acting more like Gizmo from Gremlins and is stuck in my ribcage. The Dr this morning did an ultrasound because I literally CAN NOT BREATHE. Sure enough, there's a TUSH pressing against my ribs. It feels like I got hit by a car. I can't stand, can't sit, can't lay. And because I'm under 5'1" there's NOWHERE FOR HIM OR HER TO GO! I don't know how I'm going to last another 10+ weeks!!!!!

LOVING FAM SNUGGLE SESSIONS IN MY 29TH WEEK

MAJOR EW TO THE BUMP. COM

Thanks for making me upchuck this morning THE BUMP #1. You might grow a beard. #2. Taking a good poop could feel like a distant memory. #3. You’ll have insane gas you can’t even blame on the dog. #4: Two words: Uncontrollable drooling. #5. You’ll burp like a frat boy. #6. Grooming your lady bits could become the bane of your existence. #7: There will be discharge. And lots of it. #8. The term “lightening crotch” will become a painful reality. #9. Kindergarten wasn’t the last time you’ll pee your pants in public. #10. Your vag will actually grow. (Yes, grow.)

Gone Campin

This past weekend we went to Cranford West - a campground in Hope NJ for Cranford residents only. It was so awesome! I felt like I was back at Camp Wayne (kind of). There were so many families there with little kiddies running around. Can't wait to bring our kid there every summer. So awesome

Childbirth Class

After completion of our 8 hour childbirth class - Mommy and Daddy are very ready for the 3rd trimester!

THE VEGETARIAN EATS BACON!

Among other reasons why I hung my head in shame today, I had my lowest of all low vegetarian moments. I NEEDED BACON, nothing was stopping me. So I walked into the cafeteria (slinked over so nobody saw me) and nervously asked for egg whites and cheese with a side of bacon. When the cook started putting a handful of well done bacon into my carton he asked why I had a horrified look on my face. I was like "DUDE THAT'S SO MUCH BACON!" He's like "um yeah, you ordered it" and I was like "BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE ORDERING THIS RIGHT NOW!!!!!" I guess I didn't realize how BONKERS that sounded to some random guy, but as an 8 year veggie (ok whatever I eat chicken fingers when I'm drunk or PMSing. BUT STILL.