NIGHT TIME IS THE WORST

How was your sleep last night? Good? Did you dream of bunnies and ice cream? Cute. I spent my night on the couch, spread eagle over a pillow in a bra and underwear sitting up and trying to breathe. It's so effing hot out and we live in a house without central air, so I had two fans blowing in my face at the foot of the bed for three hours before I retreated to the family room to mope. I sat in the living room half asleep panting and trying to breathe like I just finished Varsity Soccer practice. HOW THE HELL DO COWS LIVE OUTSIDE IN THE HEAT!?!?! This baby is moving non stop all night and my chest is so tight I feel like a sumo wrestler is crushing me! And I'm only 22 weeks along!!!!!!!!!! I HATE YOU SUMMER.

BELLY MEETING GREAT GRANDMA!

Such a miracle to be able to be able to show MY grandma my belly and tell her that she will be a great grandma. How lucky.

AWKWARD PREGNANCY MASTERPIECES

this will NOT be happening. http://www.buzzfeed.com/jerrysoda/awkward-family-photos-pregnant-masterpieces

I FELT LIFE - FROM THE OUTSIDE!!!!!!!!

At work yesterday, my coworkers (who talk to "Sprinks" everyday) decided to bum rush the belly with their hands and the kid put on a SHOW! What a flirt! I personally do not know whether or not that particular roll was gas, but it was really exciting for them. Being the skeptic that I am, I didn't want to tell my hubby because I was scared he would be upset. Later on the bus I was pressing hard on the right side (should I be doing that?) and I got a "YO! Arm push" it freaked me out so much that I flinched and I woke up the sad/sleepy Morgan Stanley guy next to me (sorry dude!) I don't remember smiling that much in a very long time. It was creepy. Like Jurassic Park style. It really freaked me out. I went to dinner with my mom and after eating spicy food (HELLO CRAVING, SIRACHA ON EVERYTHING PLEASE) - Sprinks was doing a full on performance. It was cool that my mom got to feel the baby kick. That totally made me deserve the Reeses Peanut Butter Cup Blizzard I ate in bed, right?

LET IT GO!

Lately I've been feeling very aggressive. Like a warrior. I don't know why. I get defensive and I also get really protective. Like legit, this is some beast of the wild stuff. I guess it goes back to the caveman days. I was in the elevator visiting my friend Elise at 10:30p the other night, yes with a pizza box in my hand. I had already inhaled a full slice (the roof of my mouth is officially GONE) and was waiting to eat my other slice in her apt when a precious little jappy bitch was like "omg I'm SO jealous." I was like what are you jealous of? The pizza? She's like "omg no, I can't wait to eat whatever I want when I'm pregnant." I don't know why that made me want to punch her in the face, but it did. And the other day, this guy in the parking lot rolled his window down and was like "HEY! You're driving like an asshole, don't be a jackass." I'm like ummmm you're in the middle of the lane buddy. His kid was sitting next to him! I am Mrs. Pottymouth galore, but something in me, this maternal instinct was like BAD BOY FOR TALKING LIKE THAT INFRONT OF YOUR KID. So I left a passive aggressive note on his Mercedes "Hey man, life doesn't need to be so stressful. And I'm not a jackass. I didn't even hit you. Relax." VICTORY

21 WEEK PHOTO SHOOT WITH MARLBE RYE PHOTOGRAPHY

Thank you to the incredible http://marbleryephotography.com for these amazing pictures!!

20+ weeks! LAST PAIR OF JEANS STILL FIT - BOOYA!

Had my 20 week check up today. Gained 16 lbs so far! Dr says I'm doing great and wants me to gain a pound a week. That's hilarious. I'm the height of Snooki, where is the weight going? I'll be a Weeble Wobble! Babies heart rate was 150 today. The Dr had a hard time catching up with the baby to find the heartbeat which was a REALLY GREAT FEW SECONDS FOR MOM. But he found it, and told me the baby is super active. It's probably because I dragged my womb to an Australian teeny bopper concert last night and there were screaming girls. Like a lot of them. Anyway, things are good. I'm less moody now (even though I did leave a passive aggressive note on a guy's car who called me a jackass). I'm super sleepy which is something I did not miss. All I want to do is crawl into bed. I've switched my work chair out for a big ball. It's so relaxing and comfortable and keeps my core engaged. It's really great if your lower back hurts. Also, LISTEN UP PREGGOS - go out right now and buy a pair of HUDSON stretch pants. I'm in my normal size and they magically stretch with my new body. I don't know why they are so awesome, but I'll take it. Unfortunately they are bright green so I can't rock them everyday. GO get em! Worth every penny.